Astramillie’s Weblog

Just a girl who’s bipolar trying to figure out her world

What’s a manic girl to do? April 22, 2008

I’ve been going through some  med changes that made me super manic.  What does that mean? What does Samantha do when she’s on the upswing? Oh, some very interesting things.

I’m working on my Master’s Degree through Texas Christian University. They have their Liberal Art’s program online, which is really the only way I can go to school. Otherwise about midway, I’ll run into an anxiety attack and stop going to class. Online I don’t have to be around people; I can hide in front of the monitor and make my comments without the fear of conflict face to face. I only take one class a semester just in case I get sick and that is all I can handle or have to get a medical withdraw, which I’ve done once my first semester (when I was off my meds). This semester’s class is wonderful, but not a lot of day to day work. It consists of class discussions, 4 brief essays, and two term papers all spread out over the semesters. So, I’ll have a free week and then a project. So, how do I fill that time? Ah ha! Good question – a list:

Making an SAT Word Dictionary
Also Baby’s First Dictionary
Essay on Popular Culture and its Effects on Historical Events (beginning to shape what I want to work on for my PhD)
Researching the Blacklist and McCarthyism
Organizing office
For the first time in my life cleaning house EVERY day
Decorating my dining room (how is coming up)
The topper – hacking into my joint account with my mother, setting up a PayPal account and spending about $1200 on EBAY in 1 ½ months.
Yes, I said $1200, and that wasn’t on a few big ticket items.

It started with DVD’s; most of my collection was stolen by cretins I let into my house in Sacramento. Then I discovered people sold ITUNES cards and Target gift cards. Since I only get $20 a week allowance (I know this sounds insane, but mom really supplies me with everything I need, so I don’t really need cash) this is a dream come true. I did buy a down comforter, and a little laptop so I could test myself and try and go to the café that has wifi and actually leave the house also I have it in my house so I could get away from my desk sometimes. I then started buying art prints to decorate the dining room. I decided I wanted to wear dresses this summer buying those was fun. I bought bath and beauty items. There were also the things I don’t remember buying. Or the time I was trying to buy a DVD player head cleaner and somehow bought a DVD player.

I did come to consciousness and realize what I had done, and started working my ass off to get grants. I did, and just in time. I went to my parent’s house one morning and there in black and white in front of my dad was the dreaded bank statement. We talked about it, they tried to understand the Pavlovian response to the ping that meant someone had outbid me and I had to act quickly. That I knew what I was doing, but at the same time I didn’t. We worked out a new money plan. I have a new small account (my “pin” money as my grandmother would call it) that I’ll put money in with a little job I have and a small allowance. I took the joint account off PayPal, threw away and erased anything with the account number on it. I’m repaying everything with the loan, plus my normal aid is coming next month.

In the meantime the mania is slowing down, and anyway, there’s nothing left to buy!