Astramillie’s Weblog

Just a girl who’s bipolar trying to figure out her world

An appointment and meds for patience? May 22, 2008

Filed under: female health,mental illness — astramillie @ 9:00 am
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OK , We all know Samantha does not wait well.  Yesterday I knew I only had one more day to wait until they said I could call.  I did start to think about my psych meds.  They are working so well right now why not meds that give you more patience?  Or make time go faster?  Or am I going down the rabbit hole?  Drink this.
 So, I’ve tried to keep busy.  It was my mother who made me call early.  The nurse was a  condescending bitch.  She told me yesterday “He’s out of the office until tomorrow, that’s only one day to wait, its not a big deal to wait that long. Just call first thing in the morning.”  Whore.  
Then at like 2 I get a call from their scheduler to set up a date for the procedure!?  She knows nothing about the whole thing.  But…She can’t get me in until JULY 1st!  I will literally be crawling the walls waiting for over a month.  There isn’t a Xanax big enough, I may really need the benzo drip I joke with my p-doc about.
I tell her my story from the 18 day period to the doctor not passing on the ultrasound report, so she puts me on the waiting list for June 17.  She answered a few of my questions – the ones she is allowed to.   If he goes in and the fibroid is exceptionally large, he’ll wake me up and tell me of a change of plans.  It won’t be a situation where I wake up without a uterus. 
So that’s where things are.  You have to love small town doctors.

Hot flashes during a heatwave May 17, 2008

Filed under: female health,heat wave — astramillie @ 9:20 am
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For most of my life I lived in the San Juaquin Valley of California, whether it was Central California or Sacramento.  That meant 103 degree summers.  I bitched about them, but they were pretty much all I knew.  Then I moved here, where a hot day was 80 degrees.  Last summer I had a horrible time adjusting, I wanted my parents to drive me somewhere just for 1/2 hour where it was hot.  They never did.  I almost went to a tanning bed, something I have a moral problem with (don’t try and figure it out).

Now, the last few days we’ve been in the middle of one of these heat waves, averaging about 77 degrees and my apt temp has been holding just below 80, I know big deal.  For me that should be nothing.  But, I’ve been on a huge amount of estrogen, meaning I’ve kinda been going through menopause and the wonderful world of hot flashes.  I am so glad I hadn’t thrown out all of my tank tops.  Its meant tepid baths, lots of ice water, and well, whining.  Luckily, I lower my dosage today so maybe the side effects will subside.

At least it has given me something else to think about other than what ever is growing inside my uterus.


Finally over on day 19 May 16, 2008

So, the annoying period part of this ordeal is over.  May you never have an 18 day menses.  And for my male readers may your female loved ones never have one.  So, what’s left is this low level feeling of fright.  This is one of those times that my computers should be taken away from me and my research skills are a curse.  I know all about fibroids, hysterectomies, and the word that won’t cross my lips or fingers as I type.

At the same time this has been happening my mania has been slowing down praise who ever.  Except I haven’t been able to concentrate.  Haven’t read a book in a month, which is a big deal.  I usually read at least a book a week, even during school.  I can’t exist without something casual to read. But, I was finding myself reading the same sentence over and over again.  It was a hard semester in a sense.  What saved me was a fantastic professor and a subject that fascinated me.  I didn’t think it would – History of Mexico.  I was able to create a time-line of the creation of the country and develop an understanding of how they became what they are today.  I saw where there were mistakes made.  I’m obviously not an expert, but I think I have a basic understanding of how a country so geographically close to ours developed so differently from ours.  I won’t bore you with my elucidation.  I’d get started and wouldn’t stop.  Anyway, when it came to my papers I just took it slowly and kind of put them in little chunks that I could concentrate on.  And it worked!  I got an A!

So, the new med cocktail works.  Yay!  This blip of estrogen is not fun, but its only for a few weeks.  Unless I need a … not going to even say it.  Forget I was going to mention it.

I’ve been looking for some online work, most are scams.  So frustrating I could scream.  And looking for a money manager as I want to take it out of my mom’s hands.  Its getting to be too hard on her and on our relationship.  Found great lawyers, but charge too much, they are helping me find someone else.  More stress.

So, yesterday did something I haven’t done something I haven’t done in a year or more.  Took a seroquel nap in the middle of the day.  Just popped 300 mg.  and slept through the afternoon.  Just wanted to shut off my mind.  Felt wonderful, but won’t do it again.  Scout’s honor.

Head may explode waiting for gyno appt on monday.  Send good thoughts!


Inept doctors and a fibroid baby (note guys, mention of mensturation) May 15, 2008

Filed under: female health — astramillie @ 3:44 pm
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So, a few weeks ago my psych meds were finally stabilized.  Yay!  Then on the day my nephew was born my period started, ok big deal.  Eight days later its still going.  10 days, 12 days.  So, first step is to call pharm guy.  No, none of my meds can be causing this.

Now my cycles have been out of whack for a few years.  But, in January I went through a battery of tests.  When the sonogram and what I think is called an “inter-uterine scan” but I call the dildo test (its a dildo looking thing with flashing lights they insert and it takes pictures) results came in my Dr. was called out of town on an emergency.  I called the family clinic for the results a few times and the Dr. who was covering for her never returned the calls.  I was going to try one more time (squeaky wheel), but my family said to go by the no news is good news rule.  WRONG!!!

So here it is 4 months later, I’m in the Dr.s office because I’m on day 14 of my period and that doesn’t seem quite right and its getting a little old.  She’s looking at my records and all of a sudden I hear her curse under her breath.  Turns out she never received the results either.  I was supposed to get an MRI and a biopsy ASAP as I had a “thickening” in one sectioning of my uterine lining.  So, basically a growth, like a tumor.  That should have been looked at 4 months ago.  And its big enough that it is causing me to have the longest period in the world.  Its starting to end today (day 18), because my Dr. put me on estrogen.  Lots of it.  Which is not fun.

I go into to see new gyno on Monday.  Hopefully the hot flashes and agitation will be over by then since I won’t be taking the heavy estrogen dosages then.  I’ve been researching fibroids and uterine and menstruation problems and not even letting the word that won’t be named cross my lips.  Generally all symptoms and things I can cross off points towards a fibroid.  But, the seriousness of my symptoms may mean a hystorectomy.  I’ve decided if they have to remove it, since I can’t have children, I want the fibroid so I can put clothes and a bonnet on it, put it in a carriage and take it on walks.

So, everyone cross your fingers that I’m not the crazy lady with the fibroid baby.  Update later.