Another Big Mistake
Obviously I’m improperly medicated at this time. People with Bi Polar Illness make horrible decisions. I made a doozy. Larry came over one night, and I don’t know what came over him, and why I didn’t stop it. I went to hug him good bye, he kind of pushed me towards the sofa and well, you can figure out the rest. Presto! I have the boyfriend I never wanted.
A good part was I could borrow money from him and not feel as guilty because well (and this sounds insanely mercenary) I was sleeping with him. And all of the other things he had been doing for me (car repair, fixing things around the house that I couldn’t etc.) no longer racked me with guilt. What did make me feel guilty was that I didn’t grow to love him as everyone said I would. I just didn’t. This went on for over a year so he’ll come into this story again.
I had nothing to do. I couldn’t work. First, it would mean leaving the house. So, I thought I’d try another MA program, an online one this time. A few years prior I had started a MA of Library Science. I have my AA in library science, worked in libraries in my early 20’s and cataloged in rare book stores for about 5 years. I went in with this idealized view even though I knew most of the reality. I had been working in the library as they took the card catalogs away (my bookstore boss and I tried very hard to come up with away to make money out those catalogs! Recipe holders?). I was not prepared for what I found. My first class was computer programming. I don’t remember the next classes I took, but I couldn’t write for them. It was a different style that I couldn’t conquer. Maybe it was because I had become to hate the topic. All I wanted to do was sit at a desk with a bun in my hair and help people find the perfect book. Yes, I knew that was a pipe dream, but I wasn’t going to get anything close to that. I dropped out about half way through.
I tried a MA in education through Phoenix (might as well, already was a teacher). I lasted one semester. First – they didn’t tell me the program was for people who need their credential as well as a MA, so it was covering things I had already done and didn’t belong in that program. Second – If I have to write one more essay on classroom management I will throw the computer through the window.
Next, have no idea where this plan came from, I thought I could eventually get a good job in Human Resources somewhere if I got my MBA. I went to Walden University. I’ve never taken a business class in my life. After we were given our first assignment, I read it, read it to Larry, read it to myself again. It was like it was written in a foreign language. Well, OK so this wasn’t for me.
Eventually I did find a program, but that was a year away, the one I’m in now. More about that later.